Hello - I'm From the South and I Can't Make Biscuits....

Biscuit 1

PRETTY - but not a real biscuit. This recipe called for all manner of things, including sugar and an egg and cream of tartar. Clip and Save: Biscuit recipes calling for sugar and eggs and cream of tartar do not make biscuits. Where I come from, that makes cake. Lay some strawberries and whipped creme on these suckers and have dessert.

Biscuit 2

Looks pretty good - but more "crispy" than the biscuits made in my family. Taste is pretty good - but not what I'm looking for. Note: When these get cold, they can injure small animals.

I am ashamed.

I'm a good old gal from the South and, while I can make all manner of delicious things to eat, I cannot make good biscuits.

I am totally ashamed of myself.

I don't feel completely "bona fide". I have a friend who makes all kinds of commotion and carrying on about how good my cooking is, so I have been hesitant to tell him I cannot make good biscuits.

Good biscuit-making ran in my family - until I came along. It all stopped with my generation. As far as I know, neither of my Sisters can make up a good biscuit either. My Mama got her first biscuit-making lesson when she was five years old and she must have been bona fide, because right after that, she had to stand on a stool in the kitchen every morning to make biscuits for the family. Whew - you talk about some good biscuits - my Mama could make some bread!

I have an Uncle who can make a biscuit so soft, they literally melt when you take a bite. I had him give me a lesson one Sunday. It didn't take. Then I had him come over to my house and I video-taped him making biscuits - so I could practice it later. I still couldn't get it right. Uncle John said it was all in the way you "pinched" the dough.

Lord.have.mercy.

After using the frozen "southern-style" biscuits several times, I decided to come clean and tell my friend that I am just not up to snuff on making up bread. Before that, I said things like this to him, and got clean away with it:

"We are both gaining weight, so we are cutting back on bread."

"Bread is filler - I'd rather you enjoy the rest of your meal without filling up."

"Who needs bread when we have rice?"

"Who needs bread when we have macaroni?"

"Who needs bread when we have potatoes?"

"Who needs bread when we have peaches?"

and, once, trying hard to sound like I was joking, I said:

"My biscuits would likely hit and kill all the small animals out back, when I throw out the scraps." (That shook him up a little - he likes to watch the critters in my back yard and knows all of them, so he would know if one went missing.)

I finally just said, with my head hanging quite low, "Dear Friend, I can't make biscuits worth a toot."

He was downright sweet about it and called me Sugar- but the day I admitted I couldn't make biscuits was a sorry day for me....

I am currently blaming my bad biscuit-making on the fact that I do not have access to the flours that are in Alabama. My Mama never used anything other than Martha White Self-Rising, and my Uncle John swears by White Lily Self-Rising. You can't get that exact kind in Kansas, that I know of.

My sweet friend finally caught on to the fact that I'm missing a bread gene. He called me Sugar and told me not to worry about it - that HE is going to make some bread for us when he has time. He's a great cook too - but I am not about to let him get the best of me with a dern biscuit!

I've decided to put an end to the worry. I'm going to try biscuit recipes until I get it right. I sure do want to make good biscuits for a man who calls me Sugar.

Best Blessings and Good Biscuits!